The Day I Stopped Hiding

For about two years, I did not tell most people in my life what was happening with my health. I had my reasons. I did not want to be defined by it. I did not want their concern, which I knew would be genuine and which I also knew I would find exhausting. I did not want to have to update people. I did not want to watch their faces when I told them.

Hiding it cost me more than I accounted for. It is a specific kind of weight, managing what people know. Every social interaction has a background layer to it. You are always one question away from having to decide how much to say.

The day I stopped hiding it was not dramatic. I just told someone the truth when they asked how I was doing. They asked a follow-up question and I answered that too. And then we talked about something else. It took about four minutes.

I do not know why I expected it to be harder. I think I had been carrying the fear of the conversation for so long that I had confused the fear with the thing itself.

I have not regretted it.